MARRIAGES - periyar

In our country, and particularly in Hindu society, a marriage is a function causing a lot of difficulties and wastage to all people concerned. But those who conduct the marriages and those who are getting married do not seem to notice the difficulties because they think that social life necessities wasteful expenses and difficulties and therefore they must necessarily face inconveniences and hardships. In the midst of wasteful expenses and difficulties, the people concerned derive a kind of pleasure and a feeling of elation. This has become a social practice.

Performance of religious rites to get legal validity for marriage is not a convincing justification

The wastage and difficulties caused by a wedding are not confined to those who celebrate the wedding ; those who come to attend the wedding also face these hardships; when they come to attend the wedding, their routine work is also affected.

 In 90 per cent of the weddings, the persons concerned forget their financial position, borrow recklessly and spend lavishly to satisfy their vanity and get flattering compliments from others. Incidentally they cause difficulties to others.

‘Wedding feast, jewellery, expensive clothes, procession, pandal, dance, music – money is spent on all these to satisfy the vanity of the organisers. Whatever may be the amount of money spent on weddings and however pompous each of the items may be, the mirth and joy associate with these are over in two or three days. In a week’s time, the prestige and honour connected with these are forgotten.

But the wedding expenses leave many families crushed; for many poor families these expenses leave an enormous burden and the debts remain uncleared for a number of years. Since our women do not have the benefit of education and they are traditionally used to bondage, they do not mind the consequences of the wedding expenses and the burden of the amounts borrowed.

In the Nattukottai Chettiar community and in the Brahmin society, the wedding expenditure is enormous; so are the preliminary arrangements. The people of these groups do not do any manual work and suck the properties of others like leeches. At present they may not feel the wedding expenses burdensome. But there is no doubt, that in the near future, they are going to feel the wedding expenses burdensome and they are going to suffer the consequent mental anguish.

A wedding indicates that a man and a woman are going to live together as husband and wife and it need not imply anything else. When this is so, I am not able to understand why people make elaborate preparations for it, spending lavishly and face difficulties. Though some say that they conduct only inexpensive weddings or reformation weddings, each function proves to be a culture wedding, and I don’t find economy or reformative principle it.

I am not able to understand why relatives, friends and acquaintance are invited for a wedding and when money is spent on a feast.

They say that some of the wedding rites are intended to be cited evidence in case legal problems arise later in the married life of the couple. This is not a convincing justification for the performance of religious rules. There is a law concerning wedding is known as Civil Marriage Act. The expense of the marriage conducted according with this Act will come to only three rupees.

When a man and a woman sign in the presence of the District Registrar with two witnesses who know this couple, the function is over. This kind of wedding is a safe and binding one. A traditional wedding is not so safe. When a dispute arises between the couple who are traditionally married, the man may declare in a court of law that he never married the girl, or that he had her as a concubine only.

The decision of the judge in a such a case will depend upon the evidence given by witnesses and not upon the declaration given by the girl’s party that the two people were traditionally married. Many such marriages have been annulled. In some cases the benefit received by the party which seeks legal remedy, is only marginal. But a registered wedding cannot be denied; the evidence provided by the registration as a permanent one.

Further such a wedding is a safer wedding than a traditional one. The man or woman cannot easily have it cancelled and think of a remarriage. Therefore a registered wedding is a brief one and it is also economical and safe. If friends and relatives have to be informed about it, a press notification could be given in advance, and after the registration a press notice could be given that the two people concerned are married.

Therefore it would be good for those who wish to have an expensive wedding or a reformative wedding, to have the wedding registered.

 Moneys spent in marriages can be given to the couples as an insurance for the welfare of their children

I would say that holding a feast, buying and distributing new clothes, making ornaments just for the wedding are all unnecessary and wasteful. If the money intended for the wedding expense is not borrowed and belongs to either of the marriage parties, the amount could be deposited in a bank in the bride's name for many years so that the accrued amount could be used by her to bring up her children and educate them. Such a procedure would be highly rewarding to her.

 The rich people in our country would spend a thousand or ten thousand rupees for a wedding, but they will be ignorant of and indifferent to the way in which they could bring up children in a healthy way without taxing the mother.

Even a High Court Judge in India does not know the amount of trouble that a mother takes to bring up a child. If a husband is kind to his wife and shows concern for her health and happiness, he must adopt the contraceptive method. Otherwise, he must be one who could manage to see that at the time of delivery and in the bringing up of children, she does not have much trouble. This arrangement will mean some expense. He will have to appoint a paid nurse. This does not occur to the rich men in our society.

But, they spend a lot of money in buying useless clothes and ornaments for the children. But, even people of ordinary families would rather spend enormously for weddings, nuptials and the ceremonies connected with the birth of a child than provide facilities for a proper up bringing of children.

Therefore, the proper thing to do now is to drastically cut the expenses mentioned above and spend money on a proper upbringing of children with the help of nurses.

An institution must be started to train hundreds of women to become nurses. Otherwise a nursery or children's home should be started where children could be nurtured hygienically and enabled to imbibe good habits and good behaviour.

It will be clear to all people who think about these proposals that by their adoption, parents will derive a lot of comfort and pleasure and children will have good health and imbibe good qualities and learn proper behaviour. Therefore may the people who wish to conduct inexpensive and reformative weddings pay attention to all these things.

(Kudi Arasu – September 10,1933)